Dear Book Lovers,
Hello there. It’s your old pal Christamar, friendly Editor-in-Chief at the Daily Brass, here to assure you that I am firmly in control of this blog.
The time has come to forget all the unpleasantness of recent days, put the past behind us, and focus again on why you come to this site in the first place--to read about books, authors, and maybe the latest chapter of a story about nymphomaniacs, redneck zombies, or homosexual dinosaur ghosts that eat republicans.
In flact... uh oh... I meant to say, in fact. What happened to my delete key?
HONEY, WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DELETE KEY? I LOOKED ON THE KEYBOARD. IT’S NOT THERE. I TOLD YOU, I LOOKED ALREADY. I THINK THE BABY MUST HAVE EATEN IT. WELL, HE ATE MY TENNIS SHOES. I TOLD YOU I ALREADY CHECKED. THE BACKSPACE IS MISSING TOO. AND THE CONTROL KEY. ALSO THE LETTER . WELL, HE ISN’T CHOKING IS HE? HOW SHOULD I KNOW WHERE HE IS?
Oh crap, I’ve been typing this whole time. I even typed my yells in all caps. What’s wrong with me? I wonder if this has anything to do with the fact that I type 90 words per minute, and I was recently hit on the head by a flying metal trash can lid, flung by a disgruntled employee. I think I may have a concussion.
HONEY. I THINK I MAY NEED TO GO TO A HOSPITAL. OK, AFTER DINNER SHOULD BE FINE. SAY, DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT I WAS WRITING ABOUT?
Mildred: (looking over her husband’s shoulder) How should I know what you were writing. You were the one doing the writing. Why don’t you just look back at what you wrote? It’s right there in front of you--gay dinosaur ghosts.
Christamar: Oh yeah.
Mildred: What’s that your writing now? Why is my name in there? Why are you writing what I’m saying? Stop it. Stop Writing. STOP IT! (she conks her husband on the head with a flat iron.)
Christamar: Ow, shit.
That’s better. Now, where were we? Oh right. Gay dinosaur ghosts who eat republicans... Um... I’m not really sure where I was going with that other than to assure you that yes, I am back, and firmly in control.
Stay tuned in the coming days for more of the book and author-related humor you’ve come to expect from this blog. Good night and God bless. No, that’s not a good way to end. I think I’ve been watching too many convention speeches. Where is that delete key? Oh right, the baby. How about, Don’t stop thinking about tomorrow? No, that has the same problem. No backspace either. I guess that means I’ll just have to keep moving forward. Say, that’s not bad, is it? It is? Oh well, uck it.Popular posts: