A weird thing happened
to me when I went downstairs just now.
You know what I noticed
about the Salem Witch Trials? A little
common sense could have prevented those things from going too far, I think. Like when the accused were on the stand making
confused hand gestures and saying things like, “What? Me? A witch? No way,” and then the accusers
started screaming and moving in whatever direction the accused person was
gesturing and acting like their bodies were being controlled like a puppet on a
string, how come the judge didn’t just make the accusers turn around or
something, so they couldn’t see the accused?
They wouldn’t have known when to scream or in what direction to contort! It would have totally thrown them off!
by Al Butterman
was only one clear winner of last night's big game between the Whozits and the Other
Guys, but there was also another clear winner: Sportsmanship.
by Christamar Varicella
CAST: MODERATOR, LARRY, ENOS
INT. TOWN HALL.
MODERATOR SITS BETWEEN TWO CANDIDATES STANDING AT LECTERNS. THE MODERATOR AND ONE OF THE CANDIDATES ARE
DRESSED PROFESSIONALLY. THE OTHER
CANDIDATE IS SCRUFFY, HAS A LONG BEARD, AND IS DRESSED LIKE A HOMELESS PERSON.
Welcome to tonight’s pre-election debate. First to make his opening remarks is Larry
Delefonte. Larry is 28, a graduate of
Cornell University. Mr. Delefonte, you
Fellow citizens, tonight I ask you to cast your vote
for me this election day, and I promise to be the best guy who picks dead
animals off the road that this county has ever seen. Our community shouldn’t have to suffer the
burden of dead animal stink. If I’m elected,
it won’t have to.