An Open Letter to the MacArthur Genius Foundation

Dear General MacArthur,

Let this letter serve as my application for some of that genius money you guys like to hand out. My accomplishments include pioneering research in the area of what happens to boogers when you flick them across the room or scrape them on the underside of chairs, and the subsequent creation of the Worldwide Booger Depository System.  Thanks to me, anyone can request, for a nominal charge, a BDR (Booger Depository Receptacle) that can be placed under tables and chairs and end the scourge of suddenly discovering that you just put your hand in yours or someone else’s boogers.  Just log in to www.boogerbags.com to order yours today. 

Check out this cartoon

Follow the link to see Femme Fetal, my cartoon made on Toontatic.  It is sort of like The Incredible Hulk but with a pregnant lady.  Enjoy!

http://toontube.launchpadtoys.com/133216

The Complete Fake Book Reviews

Hello again,

For those of you anxiously awaiting the pdf of all the fake book reviews ever posted on this site, the wait is over!  Click the link below to read send-ups of Animal Farm, Stieg Larrson, the hallowed sport of baseball, and Mitt Romney.  Among other things, you will learn about the idealogical schism that exists among staff members of the Daily Brass, the true story behind the mystery of the Doo Doo Monster, and why the Charlie Sheen Bean is better than the Mean Green Fighting Ma-Bean.  Read in good health.

https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B6yAf456ZaPRWmhsMDRvZ3VCUTA 

Open Letters

The link below contains a pdf with the complete collection of silly open letters to famous authors contained on this site.  These include letters to Cormac McCarthy, Philip Roth, Ayn Rand, David Foster Wallace, Dave Eggers, Thomas Pynchon, Tom Wolfe, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Stephanie Meyer, J.K. Rowling, and Jack Kerouac.  There may be more, I can't remember.

Also, thanks to all the well-wishers and would-be mourners who thought I was dead.  In fact, I've been out of the hospital for a month (I had a bump on the head, nothing serious).  I guess I got busy and forgot I was running this blog.  Thanks to Sally Putterman for all the hard work she put into the Daily Brass while I was away. 

Now, on to the letters:

https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B6yAf456ZaPRdEp6T0xXZlRrOE0

The Zombie Bocephus Chapter Four

http://zombiebo.blogspot.com/ is the place to go to read the latest updates of this novel.

Normally, I would post some of my own writing here, but I am busy working on my long-awaited follow-up to my  1988 history of tree bark: Bark!  The new book, entitled Bark II: Botanical Boogaloo, is due out in June of 2014. 

As I still haven't heard from former editor Christamar Varicella since he was taken to the hospital, I can only assume that he is dead.  While rooting around in his desk drawer I found the following chapter of his latest novel.  I'm posting it now in lieu of some other space filler.

See also Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3

I was over at Earnestine and Willy’s trailer, pacing their little cubby hole of a living room, debating on what to do next.  I knew I couldn’t go on living with Skwerly.  That bastard had started doing all kinds of nutty shit just to fuck with me, like putting a dead snake head in my cereal box.  I tell ya, that’s one surprise you don’t hope to find in your Cap’n Crunch.  Plus the sum bitch has all these goddamn zombie squirrels running around as pets, and he started letting ‘em in the house.

A Message from Sally Putterman

Dear People,

It is with a great deal of regret that I must inform you that our beloved editor-in-chief, Christamar Varicella, has been hospitalized following a recent attack by an unidentified assailant wielding a metal trash can lid.  It is unknown at this time how severe are his injuries (I haven’t made it down to the hospital ), but judging from initial reports from a witness to the assault (“She really bashed the shit out of him,”) he may not survive.   With that in mind, there’s no sense letting a perfectly good book blog go to waste, so from now on this site will be devoted to specific areas of interest to the educated elite.  These areas include, but are not limited to: tree bark, beans, and reviews of the recent off Broadway production of Annie performed by ex-members of the heavy metal ban, Twisted Sister, featuring the song, “It’s a hard rock life for us.”  Also, from now on this blog will no longer be known as the Daily Brass.  From this day forward, we are the Daily Putterman. 

P.S. Also, from now on I’ll be signing off with some variation of the following catch phrase:  “Putter on, Friends.  Putter on.”  Or perhaps, “Keep on puttering.”  I haven’t decided.

An Open Letter to the Reader(s) of the Daily Brass

Dear Book Lovers,

Hello there.  It’s your old pal Christamar, friendly Editor-in-Chief at the Daily Brass, here to assure you that I am firmly in control of this blog.

Back in Brass

by Christamar Varicella

The reign of Al Butterman is over.  Long live the Daily Brass.

Funny story.  When I told my lawyer that a deranged ex-employee had seized control of my book blog, he assured me the fact that I had no money would not be a problem.  Then he found out the person I intended to sue had no money either, and he decided not to take the case.  What was I going to do? 

I asked my lawyer, but he told me he didn’t know. 

“But how could this happen?” I asked as he escorted me to the door. 

The Blue Whale in the Bathtub: The Blog Post

Those of you who follow this blog know that recently I, Al Butterman, seized control from the pathetic band of losers who turned the site into a den of socialism, and restored it to glory by dedicating all new posts to honoring only conservative books and authors.  But also, and maybe even more importantly, The Daily Butterman has another mission--sticking it to the jerks who fired me. 

The Daily Dish

Al Butterman Gives the Lowdown on Former Daily Brass Staff Members:

Dear Reader,

Now that this blog has changed identities, and Your Humble Reporter has risen from recently unemployed book blogger to Chairman and CEO of this very book blog (The Comeback Kid!), you might think the time has come to forget the past, forgive and forget the comrades who behaved so badly, and look instead to a bright and productive future.  Well, you’d be wrong!