On Hiatus

As you may have noticed, I haven't posted for a while.  I'm taking a break  to focus on my long-awaited novel, Dashboard Hula.  Here's a sample: The Blue Whale.  Make sure to scroll down passed the inane intro.  I will continue to post sporadically, but I hope you will take the opportunity to browse the archives.  There is some funny stuff on this site.  Thanks for reading.

Christamar Varicella

Hernia Man Episode 4 of 4

All of Christamar's cartoons: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9hQE_3Gb0hc&list=PLNcKoeN1oaVrjDUHGFtlRYwTQYBkjQWgT

Top 10 Movies of 2014

The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies – A better subtitle would have been The Battle to Keep Me from Falling Asleep.  But it would have lost.  Actually, I didn’t see this movie, but I did fall asleep during King Kong and when I woke up I vowed never to see another Peter Jackson film.

Unbroken – Again, I didn’t see this one, but I did read the book and I came away thinking the sharks got a bum rap.

Annie – This is one I actually did see back in 1986.  I thought Carol Burnett was spectacular.  I saw no reason to watch another remake.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – I remember when this one came out the first time.  I didn’t see it then, and I decided to keep the streak alive. 

Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tombs. Here’s a secret.  They should not make any more of these movies. Tell everyone.

Horrible Bosses 2 – I remember watching the first Horrible Bosses and thinking, “Well, at least they can’t possibly make a sequel to this horrible movie.”

Dumb and Dumber To – Here’s something dumb.  Take a movie created for 14-year-olds and then re-make it when the actors are 70. 

The Expendables 3 – Like the first 2 movies, I found this one expendable and did not go see it.

Exodus – While I have not seen this movie, I did read the Old Testament, and I must say I was not impressed by the ending.

Inherent Vice – They say Thomas Pynchon books are un-filmable, however, I filmed my copy of Gravity’s Rainbow no problem.  It turns out a book sitting on a table is not as compelling I had hoped.  After I burned the print, I just didn’t have the energy to go see Inherent Vice.

The Theory of Everything – I have a theory.  It’s that most movies are terrible and overpriced and only 14-year-olds who want to get out of the house are willing to pay to go see them.  So it’s surprising when someone puts out a movie about Stephen Hawking and his wife.  It’s almost enough to make me watch it when it finally gets released through a digital streaming outlet.  But then I think about Hawking doing all those Simpsons episodes and popping up everywhere and now this, and I think, “What happened to you, Man?  It used to be about the science.”

The Interview – I’m all in favor of freedom and everything, but I choose to exercise my freedom by not watching this movie.  I will, however, encourage people to watch this much shorter video (less than two minutes) with the same name.  The Interview

By now you may have realized that I did not go see any movies in 2014.  I hope that did not stop you from reading this list.  While I may not be qualified to review movies, I did see several on Netflix and I read like 4 books.  Thanks for your time.

Purvis McGrew is head movie reviewer for the Daily Brass. See also Top 10 Movies of 2013, An Open Letter to Thomas Pynchon, Christamar's Youtube Cartoons.

Hernia Man Episode 3 of 4

full playlist: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UdnyaBmWMLc&list=PLNcKoeN1oaVpQrGsBTuuUgg3VNMhT6Xlo

How the News Became Corrupted

At one time, the news mattered.  People tuned into the nightly news, or read a newspaper, to learn the truth about the day’s events. 

But over time, the news media landscape fractured.  There were no longer three channels and a hand-full of good newspapers.  Technology advanced and the internet provided a megaphone to anyone who wanted one.  

People managed to find like-minded souls all over the world and migrated to them, allowing some to build large followings.  Those who practiced and studied discovered that the articles that were most read, and most shared, and most commented on were those that stirred an emotional response.  Some, like cat videos, stirred warm feelings.  Liberal and conservative blogs found that readers became the most engaged by stories that inflamed their most fervent political opinions.  

This did not go unnoticed by big traditional news providers, now struggling to maintain relevance while competing with a hundred different cable channels, digital streaming outlets, and about a million different websites. 

Look now to once proud news outlets and you will likely find articles or produced segments that expose your fears or provoke your outrage.  Why?  Because it’s been shown to make you more engaged, and they need people to be engaged in order to sell advertising and maintain profitability.

I no longer trust the media landscape to tell me the truth.  I only trust it to try and manipulate my emotions to serve their agenda.  In turn, this has caused me to disengage.

Hernia Man Episode 2

Episode 1 : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UdnyaBmWMLc

Christamar Varicella's Resume

Relevant Experience, Education, and Momentous Life Changes:

October 2014 – Present

Diverted attention from life of quiet desperation by using the animation software wife gifted for 40^th birthday.  Began posting short, funny, poorly animated cartoons on a semi-weekly basis.

September 2014

Conceived third child

July – August 2014

Penned humor novella Dinosaur Ghost in 15 days.  Self-published as an eBook in September. (view trailer)  Grew first beard.

2012 – 2014

Creator/Editor of The Daily Brass.  Online blog type thing devoted to long form comedy, including open letters to celebrity authors, fake book reviews, and parodies.

2011

Conceived second child.

2009 – Present

Middle School Teacher.  Love working with kids, but needless paper work, politics, and bureaucracy lead to that quiet desperation thing mentioned earlier.

June 2012

Completed thriller novel The Reverend.  After three years of revising and working with an agent, the novel is rejected by five different publishers for five different reasons.  Dropped by agent and encouraged to self-publish.  Realized I don’t even like thriller novels.

April 2012

Self-published Too Weird, a collection of funny short stories previously published in literary journals.

Summer 2012

Self-published several children’s books, including The Blue Whale in the Bathtub, illustrated by my sister.  check out her artwork

2007 – 2012

Self-published short stories in small literary journals.

2007 – 2009

Got a job as an assistant teacher at a middle school after restaurant job ends due to recession.

1999 – 2007

Piddled around restaurant industry in while striving to become great American novelist.  Moved from Tuscaloosa, AL to New Orleans to Atlanta area. 

2005

Conceived first child.

2002 – 2004

Earned MFA in Creative Writing from Spalding University’s low residency program.

2002

Got married.

1996 – 1999

Struggle by with various jobs including delivery driver and midnight convenience store clerk.

1996 – 2002

Continued to spread gospel.  Eventually discovered religion I founded existed for thousands of years prior to my founding it and that I am in no way affiliated with it.

1996

Underwent profound religious experience while under the influence of powerful psychedelic.  Went on to found new religion. 

1992 – 1996

Earned BA in Political Science and History from University of Alabama.  2.3 gpa.

1992

Graduated High School.  2.3 gpa.

1974 – 1992

Grew up to a certain extent.

1973

Developed into a viable fetus.

Super Fans

Larry Delafonte: Man of Secrets

Wonder Friends

Next Cartoon