Sunday, July 29, 2012

The Oiliest Secret Chapter 7 And Dinonsaur Ghost Chapter 5: the Secret is Revealed

Dinosaur Ghost has been revised.  
Dinosaur Ghost is now available for free as a pdf!

Warning!  Human beings and other animals with higher order thinking skills WILL find this chapter extremely offensive.  If the acts described were possible they would almost certainly be illegal. 

Oh and for this to make sense, you should probably read Dinosaur Ghost Chapter 4.   More links to previous chapters can be found at the bottom of this page.   

The parade of nitwits stopped the van outside of the museum of natural history.  Billy thought the museum might have a map they could use to find Jenna.

“What good does a map  do  when we don’t know even know what town she’s in?”  Postmaster Koopy Doop asked. 
“Well anyway, I want to look at the monkeys,” Billy said as he slammed the van door and trotted up the stairs to the building. 
“You're thinking of the zoo, you idiot.”  The Postmaster barked, before climbing out the sliding door and following him. 
In the back of the van, Juan Smeigel, still unknown to his companions, stroked his hands together and muttered.  “My precious.  I hear you calling.  Also, Smeigel have to pee pee.”  He too climbed out of the van. 
Jenna lay on an examination table in a back room, her hands folded behind her head.  She looked up at the ghostly apparition towering above her.
The translucent figure of a Tyrannosaurus Rex briefly returned her gaze.  He took several deep breaths, as if psyching himself up for what he was about to do.
Jenna slid her skirt up above her thigh.
The dinosaur ghost shivered. He could not hide a look of disgust.  He looked over its shoulder at the stegosaurus moping in the corner and frowned.  With its tiny forearms, he threw a rapid succession of one-two punches at the air, like a boxer getting ready for a bout. 
Jenna also noticed the ghost of a stegosaurus in the corner, although she didn’t know the name of its species.  It was a very long lizard-looking thingy, with a large hump for a back, with two sets of bony shells protruding from its back from head to tail.  At the end of the tail were four six-foot-long jagged spikes. 

She wondered what it was doing over there, alone.  If it wanted to watch, that was fine, but it wouldn’t even meet her gaze.  She thought she detected a soft mournful wail emanating from the great beast, and every now and then she thought she heard it sigh.  It almost sounded as if it was crying.
She shook her head, ridding herself of the unpleasant thought.  Again she looked up at her own terrible lizard, the thing that was about to inflict upon her twenty tons of unbridled reptilian passion.  Her gazed dropped to its throbbing dinosaurhood.  It compared unfavorably to its tiny forearms, but, she realized, all things considered, this was probably a good thing.  She smiled seductively.
Well, Big Boy.  What are you waiting for?”
The Tyrannosaurus began to hyperventilate.  Whatever had transpired between it and the stegosaurus was serious enough, however, that it was determined to go through with an act that it found extremely icky.  It took several more deep breaths and then moved into position. 

In the corner, the stegosaurus sobbed quietly.
“Here Monkey, Monkey,” Billy said as he threw open the door.
“I keep telling you, there are no monkeys,” shouted the the Postmaster.
"Here I come, Precious,” Juan Smiegel said.
As three of Jenna’s former lovers spilled into the room, nothing could have prepared them for what they were about to see.
“Dear Lord,” Billy shrieked.
“My P--what the f**k?” cried Smiegel.
“She’s shtupping a dinosaur,” the Postmaster called as he pointed across the room.
Jenna heard none of it.  At that moment, she was literally full of dinosaur.
“Oh my,” she moaned. 
The stegosaurus knew his t rex was just going through the motions.  He didn’t love that... woman. He was only going through with this to get back at him for making out with that diplodocus at the office Christmas party. 

After several minutes in which everyone in the room could only stare in horror, the stegosaurus ghost finally took matters into its own hooves.  It walked up to the tyrannosaurus and gave it a good swat on the backside with its spiky tail. 
The t rex looked over its shoulder and roared.
Jenna thought the roar was for her.  She roared too.
The stegosaurus hissed at his lover.
The t rex continued its onslaught for several more minutes, just to torture the stegosaur, and then withdrew.
“That’s it, I’m out of here,” Juan Smiegel said.  After thirty years living as a deranged hermit, he’d finally been scared straight.  He would live out the remainder of his life working as an accountant and living in the suburbs.  He would start a family and change his name to Steve (which coincidentally was also the stegosaurus’s name.)
“You’re disgusting,” shouted Postmaster Koopy Doop.  He followed Juan out the door, and wouldn’t stop until he’d reached the post office.  Shortly thereafter, he resigned his post at the office.  There were just too many reminders of Jenna.  He would continue to instruct karate, play chess, fish, and dee jay on the weekends.
“Aw, I didn’t get to see the monkeys,”  Billy said.  “By Jenna.”  He meant to follow the others to the van but got distracted by an exhibit of exotic flowers.
The dinosaur ghosts too vacated the premises.  The argued for several minutes and then vanished into thin air. 
Jenna was left on the table, sweaty and panting, and, oh yes, very very oily.  She'd never felt so satisfied, and yet, at the same time, she’d never been so alone.
to be continued...
The Oiliest Secret: 

Dinosaur Ghost