by Mitt Romney
Diamond Publishing, 275 pages
Reviewed by Al Butterman
“I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth. My mother thought silver was pedestrian. Gold was considered gauche. Finally, she settled on plain old platinum.”
Thus began the remarkably normal childhood of Wilford Mitley Romney III, the man I hope will become the next president of the United States. Much like the children in my gated community, Mitt had to work for everything he got. If he wanted money for a new go-cart, or a mini-bike, or a ski boat, he had to come up with clever ways to get his parents to buy it for him. Often, “All the other governors’ sons get to fly to the Hampton’s this weekend,” just didn’t cut it. Sometimes, he would have to add, “But I guess I could quit the fencing team and get a job mowing lawns or something,” before his parents would go race to the checkbook.
I was mildly surprised by how many time the liberal press got aspects of Mitt’s personal history plain wrong. For instance, the so-called “Karate Kid” period, when Mitt led a mob of prep-school bullies against a homosexual kid--his friends held him down while Mitt cut his hair--that happened on a Friday and not a Thursday as has been widely reported. And that picture of Mitt posing with his privileged Ivy league buddies with gobs of gash in their hands, pockets, and mouths, in that picture, they didn’t actually eat the money as one might have supposed--they used it to buy expensive things instead.
But my favorite part of the book was when Mitt explained how his life experiences would lead him to shape future policies. For instance, Mitt championed a very popular health care program when he was governor of Massachusetts, but then, when he ran for president, the same program was unpopular among the republican base, so what did he do? Why don’t I let Mitt tell it.
“I’ve always found that I liked being popular. I still like being popular. That’s why whenever I go to a new town, I always make sure to complement the size of the local trees, or give a friendly insult to the people who cooked my lunch, or tell people how many luxury cars I’ve purchased since I entered their state.”
Don’t get Mitt wrong. He isn’t afraid to tell it like it is, and shake things up. He isn’t afraid to step on foreign soil, look a foreign leader in the eye, and tell him a better way to put on an Olympics. Take that you British bastards! If this is how he handle’s America’s friends, just imagine what he’ll be like against her enemies.
In the end, when faced with the challenges of his life, graduating Princeton with only three tutors, starting a company from scratch (the scratch his Dad gave him to start a company), and saving the Olympics... from... let’s say... Dinosaur Ghosts, Mitt has remained stoical.
“I don’t think I could have done any of it, not one single solitary thing, if God didn’t love me more than other people.”
We love you too, Mitt. We love you too.
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