I’m going to be honest with you, I haven’t watched any of your programming since 2008 because, well, WE WON!!!! Woo Hoo! OBAMA! OBAMA! OBAMA!
After that, I disengaged in politics because it seemed to me that a complete and total liberal victory in all of the partisan battles was a foregone conclusion.
Universal Healthcare through a single payer system: DONE.
Guantanamo Bay: CLOSED.
Violence and War: ENDED.
Abortion: FREE FOR EVERYONE.
Don’t tell me if I’m wrong about any of that. I hate spoilers.
So anyhoo, how’s Keith Olbermann doing? Is he still sticking it to those corporate fat cats?
Listen, as a fellow liberal I wanted to cut you in on something that CNN and FOX NEWS have already jumped all over--I’m talking about Dinosaur Ghosts.
DINOSAUR GHOSTS ARE REAL AND THEY’RE EATING REPUBLICANS!
I know. You should be all over this story.
But listen. We have to proceed carefully with this one lest the right wing reaction machine react by trying to pin the latest spate of attacks on you. You’ll need to stick to the facts.
Here are the facts:
1) Dinosaur Ghosts crashed an NRA meeting, resulting in a number of self-inflicted gunshot wounds.
2) Dinosaur Ghosts incinerated a popular television pundit through the power of flatulence.
3) Dinosaur Ghosts desecrated a creationist museum.
4) Dinosaur Ghosts consumed the right wing of the Supreme Court.
5) Other stuff.
Now, once you start ticking off these factualities during regular programming, things are likely to get pretty hot. But your network can cool it down with your level-headed coolness of head.
But you better get going. As we speak, FOX NEWS is preparing to use this information to scare the elephant doo out of its loyal viewers. Your loyal viewer(s) need(s) you to counteract the madness with some good old fashioned madness of your own.
Now, go get to work!
Oh, and tell that boy who looks like Rachel Maddow I said hi. Also, tell Rachel Maddow I said hi.
Yours in Christ(amar Varicella),