Friday, May 11, 2012
Lottery Winner Vows to Squander Windfall
The anonymous Kansan who recently stepped forward to collect a check for $218 million acknowledged today that all of the money would be gone within a year. "I've got big plans for that money. I'm gonna rent me some diamond furniture, invest in the business schemes of my relatives, and customize a giant monster truck made from smaller monster trucks." When asked if he planned on saving any of his winnings, the man, who has officially changed his name to Joe Richbitch, dismissed the suggestion. "Oh, I've got an even better idea. I'm gonna take half the money and use it to buy more lottery tickets. I'll be a ka-billionaire in no time." When told there was no such thing as a ka-billionaire, Mr. Richbitch appeared not to understand. This reporter then proceeded to sell him his imitation Timex watch for ten thousand dollars.