A Poem I Wrote in College
or
An Ode to Claire
by Purvis McGrew
Underwear is fun to wear.
I only own a single pair.
Tis she alone for whom I care.
Her name is Claire.
Some suggest in jest I guess that I should
I wear another pair.
But Claire! I swear! I would not dare! T’would
be a most egregious err.
For you alone guard my downstairs,
and protect the hair of my bottom bare.
Beneath my vest within my chest my heart
beats best for you my dear.
so course and loose and stained with
beer and tears they do so streak my rear, and yet I swear you never tear, basic
cotton, no need for flair.
With you alone I hear trumpets blare.
What’s this? Beware!
In rest my nest became a pest, within my
lair I now do share
my southern layer succumbed to tear
when I sat down upon a pear.
And Claire, I swear, I shall not wear another
pair until such time you mend with care.
Oh dear I fear I’ve lost my cheer.
I’ve checked the couch and checked the
chair.
Oh where oh where did I leave my Claire?
Are my tidy whities gone fore’er? Will my bottom remain forever bare?
Cruel time doth chime (tis such a crime)
and lest I rest from my great quest
to locate where I last laid Claire, I
quit my job and sold my mare.
But where is Claire? I cannot share; I
only know she isn’t here.
And I sit alone with bottom bare.
And I sit alone with bottom bare.
I swear.
I swear! I’ll never wear
another patch of cloth down there.
And I’ll never love another pair
of underwear as I did Claire.
