Sunday, September 16, 2012

The Zombie Bocephus Chapter Four is the place to go to read the latest updates of this novel.

Normally, I would post some of my own writing here, but I am busy working on my long-awaited follow-up to my  1988 history of tree bark: Bark!  The new book, entitled Bark II: Botanical Boogaloo, is due out in June of 2014. 

As I still haven't heard from former editor Christamar Varicella since he was taken to the hospital, I can only assume that he is dead.  While rooting around in his desk drawer I found the following chapter of his latest novel.  I'm posting it now in lieu of some other space filler.

See also Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3

I was over at Earnestine and Willy’s trailer, pacing their little cubby hole of a living room, debating on what to do next.  I knew I couldn’t go on living with Skwerly.  That bastard had started doing all kinds of nutty shit just to fuck with me, like putting a dead snake head in my cereal box.  I tell ya, that’s one surprise you don’t hope to find in your Cap’n Crunch.  Plus the sum bitch has all these goddamn zombie squirrels running around as pets, and he started letting ‘em in the house.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

A Message from Sally Putterman

Dear People,

It is with a great deal of regret that I must inform you that our beloved editor-in-chief, Christamar Varicella, has been hospitalized following a recent attack by an unidentified assailant wielding a metal trash can lid.  It is unknown at this time how severe are his injuries (I haven’t made it down to the hospital ), but judging from initial reports from a witness to the assault (“She really bashed the shit out of him,”) he may not survive.   With that in mind, there’s no sense letting a perfectly good book blog go to waste, so from now on this site will be devoted to specific areas of interest to the educated elite.  These areas include, but are not limited to: tree bark, beans, and reviews of the recent off Broadway production of Annie performed by ex-members of the heavy metal ban, Twisted Sister, featuring the song, “It’s a hard rock life for us.”  Also, from now on this blog will no longer be known as the Daily Brass.  From this day forward, we are the Daily Putterman. 

P.S. Also, from now on I’ll be signing off with some variation of the following catch phrase:  “Putter on, Friends.  Putter on.”  Or perhaps, “Keep on puttering.”  I haven’t decided.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

An Open Letter to the Reader(s) of the Daily Brass

Dear Book Lovers,

Hello there.  It’s your old pal Christamar, friendly Editor-in-Chief at the Daily Brass, here to assure you that I am firmly in control of this blog.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Back in Brass

by Christamar Varicella

The reign of Al Butterman is over.  Long live the Daily Brass.

Funny story.  When I told my lawyer that a deranged ex-employee had seized control of my book blog, he assured me the fact that I had no money would not be a problem.  Then he found out the person I intended to sue had no money either, and he decided not to take the case.  What was I going to do? 

I asked my lawyer, but he told me he didn’t know. 

“But how could this happen?” I asked as he escorted me to the door. 

Friday, September 7, 2012

The Blue Whale in the Bathtub: The Blog Post

Those of you who follow this blog know that recently I, Al Butterman, seized control from the pathetic band of losers who turned the site into a den of socialism, and restored it to glory by dedicating all new posts to honoring only conservative books and authors.  But also, and maybe even more importantly, The Daily Butterman has another mission--sticking it to the jerks who fired me. 

Thursday, September 6, 2012

The Daily Dish

Al Butterman Gives the Lowdown on Former Daily Brass Staff Members:

Dear Reader,

Now that this blog has changed identities, and Your Humble Reporter has risen from recently unemployed book blogger to Chairman and CEO of this very book blog (The Comeback Kid!), you might think the time has come to forget the past, forgive and forget the comrades who behaved so badly, and look instead to a bright and productive future.  Well, you’d be wrong!

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

An Open Letter to Ronald Reagan

Dear Mr. President Sir,

May I call you Gipper?  Gipper, when you died a part of me died as well, and I’m not talking about the part that believes in supply-side economics.  That part is alive and well!  Any day now, those Bush  and Obama (we got him!) tax cuts for the wealthy are going to trickle down to the masses and life will return to the majesty  and prosperity of the 1980s.  It was a simpler time then, when we knew it was right to hate the Russians, hairspray was our best friend, and gay marriage had an entirely different meaning.

Monday, September 3, 2012

New Details Emerge in Daily Brass Plagiarism Scandal

by Al Butterman

Do you know what I just realized?  Before I was summarily dismissed from the editorial board of the Daily Brass, I was the site’s chief moderator.  Among my responsibilities was coordinating, formatting, and posting each article.  It seems none of the other liberal pansies around here had my technical know-how.  Do you know what else?  I just changed all the passwords, Baby!  I own this blog!

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Scandal at the Daily Brass: Plagiarism Exposed

by Al Butterman

Following in the sordid tradition of Jayson Blair, Jonah Leher, and Fareed Zakaria, today Purvis McGrew, the Open Letters Editor for the Daily Brass, was exposed (right here in this article by me, Al Butterman) as a blatant plagiarist.  In another blow to the book blog widely considered (again by me, Al Butterman) to be a bastion of liberal propaganda, the Daily Brass found itself in the strange position of having a member of its editorial staff accused of this serious journalistic infraction by a former member of its editorial staff in the blog’s own front page headline.  That’s what they get for forgetting to freeze my login information!